Its Called Being An Artist, Deal With It.

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Two new works I created this afternoon.  A5 paper, medium acrylic.

While I was painting it suddenly dawned on me that I am reaching the place where I no longer feel the need to justify or explain my lifestyle as I have almost always done in the past. It is good to be here finally.

The Rising (Soft pastel)

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Day 90.

Ten days to go to complete my project.

Looking at this artwork that I made recently reminds of reading The Chronicles of Narnia as a young girl. The link between it and the wondrous CS Lewis books is somewhat obvious in that there is an allegorical quality to both the drawing and to those wonderful stories which I never really understood but felt captivated by none the less.

I had no interest in reading any other fantasy tales nor have I since which makes me wonder what it was about the books that enraptured me.

Whatever it was I know it still exists in me. I’d call it an attunement.

Untitled (Acrylic)

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Day 87.

Currently rereading Henry Miller’s Tropic of Capricorn. I read it once before over a year ago and see that I have underlined more passages than I have done in any school text.

The passages that struck me then as particularly resonant are today even more so. I’m grateful to have made indications to such passages as I know they are they’re readily accessible to me whenever the need for sustenance arises.

On the pursuit of gaining an understanding of himself he says

I couldn’t afford to leave things hanging in suspense that way- the mystery was too intriguing. Even if I had to rub myself like a cat against every human being I encountered, I was going to get to the bottom of it. Rub long enough and hard enough and the spark will come

The painting is a new work in acrylic.

The Fall (Mixed media)

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Day 84.

A spontaneous drawing part playful doodle, part existential cris de couer. Falling is a deeply psychological fear I have. Palpable before conscious awareness. It comes from some primal place.

When thinking of falling I sense my brain is housed beneath my chest. That is where the knowledge and the reactions happen.

I see curtains blowing in a window many floors up in a high rise apartment building and I become transfixed by the almost hypnotic sensation of paralysing dread that it evokes in me.

In this fear of mine I see how closely tied the psychological is with the physical. The mind can perceive and analyse the connection but it is somehow apart from the phenomenon.